michael bay's TRANSFORMERS (2007)

by and large, Michael Bay gets a bad rap. i myself feel nearly obligated to dislike him, and even the best work in his filmography are films to be defended more than shared, but there's no denying that he's constructed his own outrageous grammar on the groundwork laid by folks like Cameron and McTiernan, and whether or not he's fully hip to the silliness of his stylistic grandiosity is beside the point. what's largely wrong with his worst work, though, is also what's specifically wrong with his Transformers: amid all the gorgeous bluster, there's no dignity, no integrity. that's not to say that a film like Transformers (it's credited source material being "the line of toys by Hasbro") should take itself seriously, per se, but nor should it feel like it was plotted out at a Monday morning Paramount board meeting. the film, overlong by at least half an hour, dawdles at a buffet of computer hackery, military skirmishes, shallow sci-fi, hot chicks, cutting-room floor comic relief, government conspiracy, and teen angst, intent on trying everything and leaving with a stomachache of distancing tonal inertia, and Bay's slick spectacle, fine performances, and jaw-dropping effects are undone by a story that only intermittently engages, and thus rarely thrills. Transformers has a ton to impress, a good bit to dislike, and nothing to love.